


Disobedience

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Dom Hux, sub Kylo [31]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 14:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9494855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Kylo wants to behave, but it doesn't turn out so well.





	

Kylo has spent all of his life following one person or another. That’s just the way it is, or so he is sure. First it… first it was people he’d rather not think about, and then it was the Leader. Now it’s this man, this man he trusts and loves and believes in.

Trusts, loves, believes in… and somehow still can’t behave for. 

It’s not even that he _intended_ to disobey, it’s just… Hux told him to keep still, to keep his eyes shut, to not move his hands. Kylo hadn’t _meant_ to open them, he’d just been worried. The pause had been too long, and he’d been convinced Hux had left. He’d opened them to see Hux standing in the doorway, holding a small box he’d obviously gone to retrieve, catching him in his disobedience.

And now Kylo’s ruined it. It wasn’t even a _hard_ thing to do, not like some of his previous commands. He just couldn’t keep his eyes shut, could he? He had to panic and think he’d been abandoned, and now he’s been a Very Bad Boy not a Good Boy, and Hux will be angry, or - _worse_ \- **disappointed in him**.

Kylo yelps, rolling over, pulling a pillow over his head, lifting his rear for punishment.

(And a moment later, _worrying he won’t get it_.)

“Kylo?”  


“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry…”  


“Kylo… what happened?”  


“IwasbadI’msorryIdidn’tmeanitpleasedon’tbemadatme.”  


A hand touches his shoulder, and Kylo flinches, expecting pain that doesn’t come. He’s fighting the need to gulp in air, pushing his nose into the mattress and trying not to scream.

“Kylo… try to speak slower. What happened? You were okay a minute ago.”  


“I’m **bad** ,” Kylo insists. “I fucked up.”  


The hand on his shoulder moves to the back of his neck, and for one horrible, glorious moment Kylo thinks maybe Hux will snap it for him, and then he won’t have to feel bad any more. The image of it, the echoing sound… it’s both disgusting and weirdly appealing, and he doesn’t know how to handle that. All he knows is how to squeak in agonised, abject fear.

“Kylo…”  


“I’M SORRY.” He’s done it now. He has. He’s shown he can’t be trusted, can’t be trained. Why would Hux even want someone who–  


He fights the hands that pull at him, resisting by going stiff and dead-weight, until Hux grabs him and _shoves_ him onto his back. The man straddles his hips, holding his flailing arms and wrestling him for control.

Kylo panics, stuck between his self-loathing and the need not to be confined, right alongside his anger and arrogant pride, and his shame and the need to prove himself right… but Hux keeps on top of him, fighting his thrashing, asserting his dominance without pain, just passion.

“Kylo. Kylo… listen to me. You’re panicking. Listen to me. Listen to my voice. You’re okay… I’ve got you, you’re okay…”  


But he isn’t. He isn’t okay. He fucked up, and now Hux will hate him, or know he’s worthless, or–

Hux lets go of his hands, and Kylo smacks at him in frustration. He’s shocked by the arms that wrap around his torso instead, around his shoulders and then behind his head, pulling him in for a hug. He smacks some more, but less harshly.

“I… I f-fffffucked up,” he stammers. “I - you’re going to hate me.”  


“If you disobeyed me, I’m sure you had your reason to,” Hux says, holding him tighter. “I’m not cross with you. Frustrated, because I don’t understand, but I’m not angry with you. Did you do it to disobey, or to hurt me?”  


Kylo shakes his head into Hux’s neck.

“Then I’m not cross. Was it an accident, or did you have a reason?”  


Kylo won’t answer straight off, but the hands that stroke him make the fight slow down, drip by drip. “I was… anxious.”

“Why?”  


“You were gone a long time, and I thought… maybe you wouldn’t come back.”  


“I see.” Hux pauses. “Can you tell me if something I did made you feel that?”  


The question catches him from left-field, and Kylo freezes. “What?”

“If you felt so worried, was it something I did… or didn’t do, to make you feel safe?”  


“…it’s not your fault I misbehaved,” Kylo replies.  


“Perhaps not, but if this concerns you so much, we need to work out a way for you to feel more comfortable. Would it help if you could call for me, if I ask you to close your eyes?”  


Isn’t Hux… mad at him? “But I shouldn’t need–”

“But you _do_ need. It’s not a case of ‘should’. If it helps you to hear my voice nearby, then I’m happy to do that, so you know you’ve not been abandoned.”  


“…why are… why are you… doing this? Why aren’t you mad?”  


“Because what I’m asking of you isn’t easy. I know you have your demons, Kylo. I’m supposed to _protect_ you from them, not let them hurt you more. This is as much my fault as it is yours, but it’s a learning curve. We both have to make this work.”  


“But… I…” He fucked up. He _fucked. Up._ Hux should be **angry** , and this calm is disconcerting. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I just… I was afraid.”  


“Kylo… you have my permission to disobey an order if you’re panicking, or feeling stressed. Okay? If it helps you, there can be set punishments so you know there’s a consequence. But when you’ve been punished, you aren’t allowed to stay guilty, because I’ll have forgiven you.”  


“…even… even if… I’m _really_ bad?”  


“If I give you an order you _cannot_ follow, you do not need to,” Hux reiterates. “I will make mistakes, too: like leaving you too long, today. If you can forgive me mine, then I can forgive you yours.”  


That makes him pause again. “…you didn’t–”

“If I was taking better care of you, you wouldn’t have been so upset,” Hux points out. “This is my fault, not yours.”  


“No, I–”  


Hux holds him tighter. “Shhh. You missed me. But I came back, see? I came back. You’re safe, now. You were good. So good for me.”

Kylo does not feel good. Kylo feels awful, and he sniffles into his arm. “I’m still sorry.”

“I know. Let me just hold you for a while, until you know I’m not going anywhere, okay? I won’t leave you to get so upset again, I promise.”  


Kylo offers him a weak smile, and lets himself be soothed by warm hands, and warmer heart. Hux isn’t mad. He isn’t. It’s going to be okay.

He slowly lets the fear wash out with every iron-tide of his blood. Hux doesn’t hate him. Everything is okay. Everything.


End file.
